You Speak an Infinite Deal of Nothing

“You speak an infinite deal of nothing.” ― William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

6507071701_87013c3949_o Ah, yes, those emails, we’ve all received them. They make you scratch your head, thinking ‘Did I just really read that?’ Emails that make absolutely no sense, emails that have nothing to do with reality, or are completely irrelevant. Yet at the same time, those emails can be very telling. I have received some true gems in the past, and the following snippets are part of another great one. Grab a cup of coffee (or any beverage of choice) and read along with me.

“It has come to my attention that Muppet has not been attending school most of the days that she is with you…”

You mean daycare? Lets call a spade a spade, because that is what it is. Muppet is 3 years old and signed up for daycare while at Dad’s. When the girls are with me, I make sure I’m with them. As in, I actually use my parenting time to be a parent.

Shocking!

I know. I prepare their food, make sure Sweet Bee gets to the bus on time, does her homework, we do fun stuff together, dentist appointments, doctor’s appointment. You know, the usual parenting things. Apparently the child being with the Mother is an issue. It is preferred that the child be in daycare while the other parent is available.

“I had no idea the magnitude of this issue until I looked at Muppet’s attendance records… “

Oy! Houston, we have a problem! Should we send out first responders? Apparently not attending daycare but being with a parent is a real problem. The ‘magnitude of this issue’ certainly implies we are dealing with a catastrophe here! Does it surpass world hunger, wars etc? Immediate action required!

 “This is doing an incredible disservice to Muppet.  I am copying ‘Parenting Coordinator’ on this email so she can schedule a meeting for us ASAP to discuss and resolve this issue.”

Thank heavens, the legal first responder has been called. I have to admit that was a huge relief to me. Now she could read herself the crazy I’ve had to deal with. Previously I would be pointing out behavior patterns, and it was perceived that I was just trying ‘to make the father look bad’. A clear case of ‘shooting the messenger’. It is easier to discard solid evidence as misgivings from a scorned spouse, then accepting that there may be truth to it. Now it came straight from the ‘horses’ mouth’, there is no denying it now any longer. This is just how Ex is. This is not me trying to make him look bad, this is him showing his true colors.

“I would be more than happy to keep the girls more time during the week if that is what it takes to make sure they get to school.”

HD20812 There we go. Jack popped out of the box!

I was waiting for it. I knew it was coming. I’m continuously on edge waiting for another attempt at getting a change of custody. Ex can’t help it. That is part of the definition of a personality disorder; a persuasive pattern. He will continue till the end of times. Our CPS investigator said it the best; I can only hope it will subsides when the youngest turns 18.

The pattern is pretty evident. We’ve had false reports with CPS, we’ve had false criminal charges, we’ve had Ex show up during my access time with the sheriff’s to claim custodial interference.

Yes, I’m not kidding. During the divorce proceedings Ex would show up on my weekend with law enforcement, and I would have to show them the custody order to proof that it was actually my access time. Talk about really trying to sour and interfere with the other parents relationship with the children.

And that is really what it is. This email is another good example of Parental Alienation at its finest. I previously wrote about delusional parental alienators. I wrote about how they misconstrue reality to suit their perception of ‘the best interest of the child’. Here Ex thinks it is better for the child to be in daycare then be with the mother and he wants to go to bat for it.

I can only scratch my head.

But there is more. When it is his access time, Ex is not available. He puts the children with babysitters.

Alienators choose third parties over the targeted parent to care for the child when he/she is ill and/or not in school, regardless of the targeted parent’s availability and willingness to care for the child. The alienating parent will use every opportunity to keep the targeted parent from having the chance to parent the child regardless of the wishes of the child or targeted parent so at times the alienating parent will hire a babysitter or choose a family member in preference to allowing the targeted parent to care for the child.” – Prof Amy Baker

To top it off, Ex does not consistently use one and the same babysitter, no, he gets whom ever is available. He goes to great length to find somebody, anybody, as long as it is not the mother.

Less than a mile away, on the other side of the block, the mother (me) is readily available to care for the kids. Yes, I’m at home, I’m available and the girls know it. By putting the children with random babysitters he is sending the non-verbal message that anybody is better than being with the mother.

And that is sad.

Ex’s feelings towards me supersede what is truly best for the kids; a relationship with the other parent. It is more important to posses the children, then for them to be with Mom. The delusional alienator can not differentiate between their own wants and needs and that of the children.

And Ex doesn’t have a clue, he does not see how he is harming the children with this behavior. It is his reality. That is why it is called the delusional alienator, they egocentrically confuse their own issues with what really goes on and they can’t ‘snap out of it’, they are not sensitive to reasoning. They refuse to see it any other way than their way.

And so the story will continue. Part of a personality disorder is that history will repeat itself. Over, and over, and over, and over………

Ad Infinitum, ad nauseam.

 

The Scorpion and the Tortoise; Ancient Life Lessons of Character

“The scorpion was hamstrung, his tail all aquiver;
just how would he manage to get across the river?”

The scorpion had a problem, a big problem; he wanted to get across the river and can’t swim.Tortoise_and_Scorpion Luckily a tortoise is nearby and the scorpion tries to entice the tortoise to cross the river with the scorpion on its back.

The tortoise wouldn’t think of it. “You’ve a less than ideal reputation preceding: there’s talk of your victims all poisoned and bleeding.”

The scorpion cleverly replies that stinging the tortoise would also kill himself, and who would be so foolish? After some hesitation the tortoise agrees to bring the scorpion across. The scorpion certainly had a perceived sensible argument, so the tortoise ignored his inner voice.

But just a few moments from when they set sail,
the scorpion lashed out with his venomous tail.

As the tortoise was drowning he asked the scorpion: “Why?” Now they are both going to die.

“I don’t know!” cried the scorpion. “You never should trust
a creature like me because poison I must!

I’d claim some remorse or at least some compunction,
but I just can’t help it; my form is my function.”

“It is better we should both perish than that my enemy should live.”

I was thinking about this ancient story while driving to a meeting with the parenting coordinator and Ex. From Sanskrit to Aesop, children throughout history and all over the world, have been taught that one is, and always will be, true to their nature. It’s your character, your personality.

Only eight days prior to this mandatory meeting, Ex had yelled at me that he was never going to sit face-to-face with me, yet I was on my way to exactly such. This could be interesting and I was certainly going in with mixed emotions.

Part of me knew exactly how this was going to go; Ex has something to gain with maintaining a favorable impression with the parenting coordinator, so he was going to be exceptionally charming and I would have to calmly bring to light his manipulations and hope the parenting coordinator is smart enough to see through them. The scorpion wants to get across the river and so he did, at least he attempted.

I walked away from the meeting thinking about a high school history lesson;

“Franklin, you have some GREAT ideas, let’s form a committee about it” – Stalin to FDR

Despite Churchill’s warnings, FDR said “… I have a hunch Stalin is just not that kind of man…”. FDR felt a lot was accomplished, yet Stalin plundered Eastern Europe while the US essentially single-handedly rebuilt Western Europe.

That is exactly how our meeting went. Superficially it seemed a lot was accomplished, but when you look deeper that sense evaporates. Committees were formed; “I’m working on it,” “I will look into it,” Ex said. If this wasn’t about the well-being of the children, the parallel would have been amusing.

“I’m working on it”

Yes, this was what he said about facilitating a relationship with the mother. For healthy psychological/emotional people this would be appalling!

Early on in the divorce proceedings things are highly emotionally and every (healthy) parent will admit they could have handled certain situations with the children better. We all make mistakes.

However, if this behavior continues 2 ½ years into/after the divorce it becomes deeply disturbing. That parent is either still consumed with hate for the other parent, or has severe psychological problems and never gained the developmental ability to share or form secure relationships.

It takes a village to raise a child. Children have many relationships; with parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, teachers, friends and spouses/children later on in life. So many people make a contribution to a child’s life. When a parent has trouble with ‘facilitating a relationship with the other parent’, they need to have control over the social and emotional life of the child, with the subsequent long-term consequences and abilities for that child to form (future) relationships.

When a parent is secure in their relationship with their child, they welcome the relationships they have with others, and there is no need to control and possess the child like it is property. There is no need to be ‘working on it’. Because that is really deep down what it is; control, possession and insecurity.

My guess is that Ex is still ‘working’ on it, as the solutions discussed have as of yet not materialized. Realistically, he can be ‘working on it’ for a long time.

“Looking into it”

My jaw dropped, I couldn’t believe my ears. I was at a loss for words. He couldn’t seriously be saying ‘that‘, it had nothing to do with reality.1150946_605933376125603_910446225_n

This discussion was one of the most blatant examples of ‘externalization of blame‘ I have ever seen. It left me speechless for a moment. The evidence was so crystal clear, like 1+1=2, yet he came with, very weak, arguments that it was ‘my fault’ and could not possibly have happened during his access time.

The Parenting Coordinator stepped in and Ex agreed to ‘look into it’.

In reality it was a really small issue. A psychologically healthy person would have said something along the lines ‘let me fix that for the well-being of the kids’ and it would be done.

This response is an ingrained defense by Ex, he literally can not help himself, like the scorpion couldn’t help stinging the tortoise. Current research is very clear that ‘externalization of blame’ is positively correlated with aggression and lack of empathy, it is the core of psychopathy.

Now why is that so harmful to (young) children? Kids rely on their parents and adults to teach them about the world, about morals and values, how society works. When an adult, or even worse a parent, distorts reality through externalization of blame, it fundamentally undermines their self-esteem and perception of the world around them. They learn not to rely on objective observations and factors, but on the distortions of the person of authority, who are asking them to “smell the color 9”.

And psychopaths are charmingly good at distorting reality. At the end of our meeting I told a funny story to the Parenting Coordinator. Ex jumped in and made himself part of this story. Even to me it seemed plausible he was around when it happened, while I knew he hadn’t. I started doubting myself. I had to go back and check the records to be sure, and sure enough, Ex could not have possible been present during the incident. I now utterly understand that the DSM requires the diagnosis of psychopathy to be made based on records, not on interviews. Or that the FBI requires a computer analysis of the words used, not rely on the interview itself.

From committee to action?

So now what? These issues were raised with the Parenting Coordinator for a reason. I will have to raise them again after some time and hope ‘for the best’.

People don’t change unless they really want to change. A person with a personality disorder can not change, as they do not accept that anything is ‘wrong’ with them, and if nothing is wrong with you, why would you want to change?

Am I disillusioned? No. Belief in human goodness may want us to believe that somebody will change, but I accept that is not going to happen. I accept that Ex is what he is. Now it is about managing the situation.

We will have to see if the committee has ‘sprung into action’ on at least 1 subject.

The Genetics of Psychopathy and Why it Matters in Child Custody

“The last scan in the pile was strikingly odd. In fact it looked exactly like the most abnormal of the scans I had just been writing about, suggesting that the poor individual it belonged to was a psychopath—or at least shared an uncomfortable amount of traits with one….When I found out who the scan belonged to, I had to believe there was a mistake….But there had been no mistake. The scan was mine.”

Oops.

psychopathbrain

Brain scans of Dr Fallon and family

You are a world leading expert on brain imaging for violent criminals and psychopaths and you find that your own brain image is that of a psychopath. YOU are a psychopath. That has to be hard.

Wrong.

That is what a normal person would think; we have empathy, we have emotions. The psychopath doesn’t, (s)he will look how to turn this into a personal gain. And so did Dr Fallon; without empathy for what this public knowledge would do to his immediate family, he turned his discovery into a book about entering the dark side of the brain of a psychopath, included his family history of violent murderers and psychopaths. To top it off he then sought publicity with a huge media campaign. Book sales = money.

And I’m hopping on the band wagon, because his story is of extreme importance for child custody and there are 4 reasons why;

  1. Psychopathy has a genetic link; it passes on from parent to child. A child of a psychopath is at risk.
  2. Psychopathy is in the brain, it is not curable. Forced joint custody, parenting coordinators, therapy, etc will not improve the situation.
  3. Hitler vs Dr Fallon; Society’s misconception about the violent vs socially ‘adapted’ psychopath.
  4. Make or break the child; Influences in the early years.

1. The genetics of psychopathy

Yes, psychopathy passes on from parent to child through genetics. Dr Fallon in his book talks about several violent (and infamous) murderers that are related to him. He has a very interesting family tree to say the least.

Research has shown that Antisocial Personality Disorder (psychopathy) has an about 56% genetic component to it. Just to compare, breast cancer also has a genetic component. Women who have the mutated genes BRCA1 or BRCA2 have a chance of getting breast cancer in about 55-65% or 45% respectively. Angelina Jolie in 2013 went public with her double mastectomy because she has the gene mutations.

That is a different perspective, isn’t it? They are in the same range.

Just because you have the breast cancer gene, doesn’t mean you get breast cancer. If you have the gene for psychopathy, doesn’t mean you actually become a psychopath. But your chances of becoming a psychopath or getting breast cancer are the same when you have the gene for it.

Kids get some genes from Mom, some genes from Dad, it is a mix. This means children of psychopaths are at risk. It doesn’t mean they are guaranteed to have the gene, but there is a considerable possibility they do.

And when the kids do have the gene, it takes outside factors for psychopathy to become present, just like it takes outside factors for a woman to develop breast cancer.

2. Psychopathy is in the brain

Well-meaning people will say: ‘O, it will get better, it just takes time’, ‘Why doesn’t he go into therapy, that will help’, ‘If he just realizes what is going on, he will change’. I’ve heard my attorney say it, I’ve heard friends and family say it and I have to admit, I was of the same mindset during the marriage as well. I believe in human goodness and thought it would get better. I now know better.

Looking at the brain scan of Dr Fallon is sobering. It is clear that certain parts of his brain are functioning differently than his family members do. Sure, I read the research that psychopathy is not curable, I talked to experts, I preached and told it. Yet deep down inside I hoped it would be different; for the children’s sake. When I saw the scan, reality hit.

A psychopath is not going to change, no therapy will cure him/her. Nothing can change their brain.

3. Hitler vs Dr. Fallon

When we think about psychopaths, we think about Hitler, Charles Manson, Ted Bundy and perhaps even Jodi Arias, Ariel Castro or the Newtown school shooter Adam Lanza. We think of creeps, we think of violent criminals.

Certainly not of a well-respected neuroscientist, husband and father like dr Fallon.

And that’s where society and the judicial system go wrong. The world’s leading expert in psychopathy, Dr Babiak and dr Hare, wrote the book ‘Snakes in Suits‘ and as you probably guessed, it is not about violent criminals. The percentage of psychopaths in high-powered positions in society is similar to the percentage in prison.

However, not only is our view of psychopaths skewed, our perception of their ‘damage’ is also clouded. Violence and murder are tangible concepts. We see the horror. Psychological trauma is so much more difficult to grasp, especially when you are not the victim.

Caregiver behaviors …… negatively affect the child’s cognitive, social, emotional, and/or physical development. Psychological maltreatment has been linked with disorders of attachment, developmental and educational problems, socialization problems, disruptive behavior, and later psychopathology. American Academy of Pediatrics

Despite the fact that the CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics have policies in place that recognize the frequency and long-term injury of psychological abuse, family court dismisses or even fails to recognize its existence. Yet the psychological damage of being raised by a personality disordered parent is well researched in the field of psychology, this is an unmistakable and devastating disconnect for the child.

4. Make or break the child

So how is it possible that Dr Fallon turned out ‘reasonably well’ and others have gone off the deep end? It is the early years. It is the environment the child grows up in.

holdhandsinfant

Picture by Steve Corey (Flickr)

Nurture

Dr Fallon explains he was loved as a child. He was the first-born after several miscarriages. He was wanted. He was important to his parents, or at least by 1 emotionally and psychologically healthy parent. A parent who was able to form secure parent-child attachments. So there was at least a 1-way of love.

As I’ve written about before, psychopaths cannot form secure attachments, but the love of Dr Fallon’s parent(s) provided him with a cushion to soften the impact of his genetics.

Just like smoking can cause lung cancer, red food coloring can aggravate ADHD, so is lack of love a trigger for becoming a psychopath. A psychopathic parent per definition can not express love; they are incapable of having empathy and without empathy there is no love. And a parent without empathy can not teach a child empathy.

Love is a deep concern for the other. Love is caring for the other. Children of psychopaths often endure neglect at best, or worse, physical abuse. This environment encourages the next generation to be psychopaths when they are at risk.

Dr Fallon emphasizes over and over again that the timing of the emotional/psychological injury determines the effect on the brain and what type of psychopath you become. For the gene to be expressed, the child needs to be exposed to trauma before puberty. Having the gene and being exposed to violence, or child neglect, is the recipe for disaster. The more severe the exposure, the more violent the psychopath becomes later on.

Family Courts Responsibility

‘Best Interest of the Child’ is the legal standard, not what is fair to each parent, or what a parent would like. Yet the courts do not follow-up on this, they would rather cater to Parental Rights organizations and work on a compromise between the 2 parties as if the children are property that needs to be divided equally. The legal standard is blatantly ignored to favor what can be agreed upon, not what is in the best interest of the child.

First of all courts need to put aside their misconception that psychopaths are violent criminals and realize that ‘upstanding’ members of society can be psychopaths as well. All persons involved in child custody decisions need to put the child first, and not the glorified theory of coming to an agreement and divide the property equally. This is the wellbeing of the next generation decisions are being made about.

When a child is at risk because 1 parent is a psychopath it is particularly important one limits the environmental influence of said parent. This could be a tipping point for the child to develop a personality disorder. It is extremely important that the child be around the parent that can express love, values, care and empathy. That does not mean the psychological disordered parent should be eliminated out of the life of the child, but the influence needs to be managed appropriately.

I can not repeat this enough; conflict is the single most predictable factor for the worst outcome for children of divorce. Forcing joint custody is perpetuating conflict for children. It is making the situation for children who are already at risk even worse. The acrimonious behavior of the psychopath is not going to change. They can’t change, their brain is set.

It is the courts responsibility to protect and safeguard the child, failure to do so has long-term consequences for the child and society. It is time courts recognize and take appropriate actions when there is a parent with a personality disorder and not stick their heads in the sand to cater to parental rights organizations. Our children are not 2nd rate citizens, they are our future. 

The Goddess, The Witch and the Cat

“I’ve lived it for 40 years” my ex-Mother-in-Law said bitterly on the stand. My heart bled for 4509724747_fef40ce78f_bher. Yes, she has lived it for 40 years. Yes, she has every right to be bitter. Thank God I’m out of it.

My ex-Mother-in-Law looks like a shriveled raisin. Of all the pictures I have seen of her, the eyes never smile. No happiness beams from her. There is no doubt she had a tough life.

“Your mother-in-law is cold as a fish” one of my uncles said on my wedding day, “She has absolutely no emotions”. He is right, my ex-MIL is the epitome of an emotionally unavailable woman and mother.

An emotionally unavailable primary caregiver is detrimental to a child. When the primary caregiver cannot respond sensitively to a baby, it leads to attachment problems in children; a contributor to conduct disorders and Anti-Social Personality Disorder. It is the environmental factor for expression of the genetic component of psychopathy.

Attachment problems also can manifest themselves as eating disorders in early adulthood. Sadly my ex-sister-in-law has an eating disorder.  I am still, and always will be, extremely fond of her.

Both cruelty to animals (the killing of cats by Ex) and eating disorders are expressions of control and punishment for a lost and/or dysfunctional relationship with an emotional unavailable primary caregiver. Eating disorders are more prevalent and thus more scientific research is available to describe the attachment problems experienced in early childhood, but animal cruelty is no different. Gender stereotypically the female internalized, the male externalized.

The killing of cats has a very symbolic meaning. Cats throughout history and in society are    baststrongly associated with females, both in a positive and a negative way.

Ancient Egypt is probably the clearest positive example of adoration of women and cats. The main goddess Bastet was both woman and cat. She evolved from the warrior lioness to the protector against evil. What cows are in India, domesticated cats were in ancient Egypt.

Cats also have a negative association with women. The derogatory feline term the English Language has for vagina would probably have horrified the Ancient Egyptians.

Halloween is only a few weeks past, but witches and cats are prominent features. Cats in medieval times were associated with witchcraft and the devil and cat-burning along side witch burning was a common occurrence. Cats are associated with women.

The killing of cats has been specifically researched in serial killers. The FBI is careful to state that not all cat killers are serial killers, but animal cruelty is a common denominator in serial killers and violence towards humans. Cat cruelty is specifically related to the image they have about women and their relationship with their mother. They are ‘easy’ subjects for research as they are incarcerated. Serial killers who killed women had a troublesome (understatement) relationship with their mother and killed and/or tortured predominantly cats prior to escalating to humans.

The American Psychological association has a clear directive for its members on how to deal with pet abuse and family violence.

“Pet abuse is clearly a significant part of the pattern of family violence and its early identification can save lives and protect families.”

Vaughn et al did one of the largest studies in the US studying animal cruelty and antisocial behavior. Thankfully only 1.8% of their subjects committed animal cruelty. Approximately 84% of those were male, white (70%) and born in the US (91%). Interesting was that 56% of the perpetrators had at least some college education.

About 76% of the subjects are ‘Never Married’ or ‘Widowed (that is scary), separated or divorced’.

And that is important for child custody. Why?

Attachment research has found that after 20 years 72% of the subjects still had the same attachment classification. The troubled relationship with the mother gets expressed by taking out the frustration on cats and the relationship dynamics with other women, be it wife or daughters. How the early attachment was classified, was also how adult (friendship) and romantic relationships were formed later in life.

Attachment classifications can be assessed through various scientific accepted tests, appropriate for the various ages. These tests are specific, and not generic. The simple statement ‘child is attached’ is meaningless. It sends shivers down the spine of competent child psychologists. Children are always attached, but there is a big difference between secure, and the insecure attachments; anxious, avoidant, ambivalent/resistant or disorganized.

“The presence of an attachment is distinct from its quality. Infants form attachments if there is someone to interact with, even if mistreated. Individual differences in the relationships reflect the history of care, as infants begin to predict the behavior of caregivers through repeated interactions.” Handbook of Attachment

It is the quality of attachment that affects the future adult relationships, both romantic and with their own children.The_Witches_Cat_by_howlinghorse

And thus we are perpetuating the situation by putting children with an emotionally unavailable parent, we are perpetuating insecure attachments when children get significant time with a parent that is incapable of forming secure attachments, because (s)he did not have a secure attachment to begin with. We are jeopardizing the future generation.

In another post, another day, I will go deeper into the link of child abuse, child neglect and anti-social personality disorder.

 

Family Law’s Ultimate Guide on How to Treat and Cure a Personality Disorder

Sarcasm: the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say especially in order to insult someone, to show irritation, or to be funny”— Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Yup a little sarcasm on a Tuesday. Lucy TherapistThe brick wall that I, and other parents who deal with a personality disordered ex, keep running into is the persuasive but completely incorrect opinion that a personality disorder is something that can be cured. Like a depression, give some medication, have them in treatment and then magically *POOF* the perfect parent arises.

Just last week my attorney started uttering the words ‘what if Ex went into therapy….’.

I just about immediately wanted to bang my head into a wall. Why is it that Family Law attorneys and judges just don’t get that a personality disorder is a permanent character flaw?

These words from my attorney are just a symptom of how the justice system looks at personality disorders. They don’t grasp the concept, nor the extend of harm it causes children to grow up with a personality disordered parent.

“Personality” is a dynamic and organized set of characteristics possessed by a person that uniquely influences his or her cognitions, emotions, motivations, and behaviors in various situations.

Paper Mache Unfinished Comedy & Tragedy SetThe word ‘person’ comes from the Latin word ‘persona’, which means mask. In the ancient world, and in many cultures, masks were used in theatre and plays to typify a character.

A mask is not used to disguise the character, but to underline what the character symbolizes.

Your personality is what you are, it is your identity. In this multi-cultural society we recognize and even celebrate each individual is unique. It is not something that changes.

A healthy personality has a pattern of thoughts, feeling and social adjustments that assures the individual functions in society. A person with a personality disorder exhibit patterns of self-perceptions and attitudes that collide with society. They handle reactions to other people, problems and stress differently. It is a character trait that does not change over time.

Anti-Social Personality Disorder is particular resistant to ‘therapy’. The criminal justice system seems to recognize that and just puts individuals who commit a crime in prison. If they thought ASPD could be cured or even somewhat treated, then we would have Personality Disorder Clinics! We would live in a peaceful society! Utopia!

Research has shown that ASPD has a large genetic component (more than 50%). That is nothing new, Jang has done much research on fraternal and identical twins and came to the conclusion that about 46% of personality traits are genetically linked, not just ASPD.

So the Family Justice system is now in the gene-therapy business?

If Personality Disorders were harmless to children, it wouldn’t be such a terrible thing. Just force Joint Custody and eventually the bickering and fighting will stop. Joint Custody, the Family Law gene-therapy.

And NOTHING is more harmful to children then continuously being exposed to conflict.

During our trial the custody evaluator testified to such, experts testified to such. You look left and right in the literature and everybody (for once) agrees; continued exposure to conflict is harmful to children.

So, in the month or so that our latest court order went into effect we’ve had;

  1. Called CPS with false allegations
  2. Deliberately scheduled medical well visits when Mother is out-of-town, and went to great lengths to prevent Mother from access to medical appointments when she returned early. (repeated event)
  3. Not providing pre-school of Mother’s contact information (repeated event)
  4. Called law-enforcement to enforce a non-scheduled custody exchange (he wanted the kids, so they had to help him, even though it wasn’t his access time, he has a history of that too)
  5. Unilaterally reduced the court ordered support payment.

And psychopaths do things deliberately. It is with the intend to harm. Take for instance the medical appointment for Muppet. He had scheduled it 2 weeks prior, knowing I would be out-of-town those 2 days. I haphazardly found out from the Pediatrician’s office and this is not the first time Ex failed to notify me; oldest had surgery and he notified me after the fact.

I rescheduled, so both parents could be there and notified him. Ex caused a stink with the Ped’s and rescheduled again for when I was out-of-town and failed to notify me (Ped’s office was on to him and called me directly). Actions to cause harm with psychopaths are intentional and deliberate. It was his intention to prevent the Mother access, it was his intention to cause harm with calling CPS, it was his intention to cause harm with not paying support. He has no excuse, it is like a cat playing with a mouse.

And it won’t stop, they can’t stop, it is in their genes. No matter what Family Court thinks. Instead, judges and attorneys should take a personality disorder very serious and think about the long term well-being of the children, who, as a recent UCLA study tells us, suffer. They are the future.