Knock, Knock! Child Protective Services Calling! Parental Alienation and Projections of a Psychopath

A while back I had started researching the (ab-)use of Child Protective Services in divorce proceedings by parents. weathering the stormI started talking to mental health professionals, parents who filed CPS reports and parents who had CPS reports filed against them. It is definitely a tricky subject and I was circling my thoughts on how to formulate my findings and opinions.

And then one evening last week there was the envelope on the front door from the ‘Child Protective Service Team Leader’.

Yes, a CPS complaint was filed against me.

I knew Ex was a diagnosed psychopath, didn’t realize how ill he really was. I never thought he would stoop this low in using the children against the mother. To sacrifice the integrity of the children to get his way in the divorce proceedings. Then again, his MMPI already showed that he has Anti-Social Personality Disorder and is a Parental Alienator, and his behavior patterns presented at trial underlined it.

CPS, Divorce and the truth

CPS investigators have the daunting task of finding the truth and protecting children against abusive parents. Innocent until proven guilty can be hard when they know that something is going on, yet can not formulate the evidence. These children are left hanging.

Talking with mental health professionals makes it clear that the timing of filing for divorce and making a report to CPS is significant for finding whether there is any truth to the allegations. Reports filed prior or at the start of the divorce proceeding hold more ground then the reports filed further down the road. Doesn’t mean necisarrily they are true, but they are more likely to be true. Likewise, reports filed to CPS later down the road are less likely to be true and more a tactic of a gruntled parent to get an advantage in the divorce proceedings.

CPS is inundated with cases where parents seek an advantage in the divorce proceedings. This clouds the issue and creates scrutiny when there are real issues of abuse. Divorcing parents who want to bring real abuse to light are vilified and children end up being awarded to their abusers at an alarming rate.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are parents who abuse the system.

Filing CPS reports as a Parental Alienating Tactic

Every time a CPS report gets filed against the target parent, the child gets interviewed about the target parent. While at first the child may not have a negative image of the target parent, after being questioned, even if it is about unfounded issues, the seed of doubt is created in the child’s mind.

This is a subtle, but very effective way of the alienating parent to remove the target parent from the child’s life. “See, it wasn’t me, CPS thought there was enough reason to investigate”. The alienating parent doesn’t tell the child the result of the investigation, which usually is ‘unfounded’ and the child perceives that persons of authority are questioning the ‘safety’ of the target parent. The security and love the child feels for the target parents slowly and subtly erodes.

True parental alienators have personality disorders, they will not stop until they have removed the other parent from the lives of the children. They will seek allies within friends and family, but also do not stop there, they will enlist law enforcement, the courts and CPS. Nothing new here.

Filing a CPS reports based on projections of the Phychopaths own behavior

Parents with personality disorders project their own behavior on the other parent. When I heard the allegations filed against me, I almost burst out laughing, the seriousness of the situation prevented me from doing so. One of the allegations was ‘unsanitary living arrangements with dog feces and garbage all over the house’. This comes from the man that has a rat problem in his house. Yes, you read that right, he has rats in the house. My attorney was present for the interview with CPS and he jokingly said: “Well, if he didn’t kill so many cats, he probably wouldn’t have a rat problem”. My house is clean, I showed the investigator the back of cupboards, which were organized and dust free. We live here, so yes, at the end of the day there are toys on the floor and dishes in the sink. But no rats.

The 2nd allegation was much more serious and gives much more food for thought, knowing that psychopaths project their behavior and deep inner thoughts on the other parent. “Mother takes pictures of the children in various stages of undress with the intent to distribute”.

Yes, basically child pornography.

Now why this worries me. The CPS investigator told me that the pictures he had seen had nothing of a sexual nature, but as it was reported in a phone call, he had to follow up. He agreed the pictures were from a parent taking snapshots of their child. Happy moments.

Ex’s family has a history of sexual child abuse. Within the family the grandfather has fondled the daughters, and brothers have coerced sisters to perform oral sex. Now, at this moment, I don’t believe Ex has had inappropriate relations with the children. However, the oldest is becoming of the age that sexual predators become interested in girls.

Is there anything I can do about this? No, nobody has been prosecuted for (unconscious) thoughts. We live in a free society. I have to let the CPS investigation run its course. I’m not going to muddy the water with more allegations that can never be proven.

It is absolutely vicious and evil how 1 parent tries to eliminate the other parent out of the lives of the children, over the backs of the children. When one makes such false allegations and uses the child as a weapon to disparage the other parent, you don’t really love your child.

20 thoughts on “Knock, Knock! Child Protective Services Calling! Parental Alienation and Projections of a Psychopath

  1. I have been a victim of this very thing. I’m in the middle of a custody battle with a narcissist and have been cut off from ALL financial means. Fortunately the cps investigation was ruled unfounded but once they are in your life unfounded or not, it is that much easier for them to reopen a case. Stay strong, you are not alone. Do not let your guard down for one second. Familiarize yourself with “the list”. Mine has followed it word for word. I continue to fight for my children!

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    • Hugs to you my friend!

      I’m not familiar with ‘the list’, do you have a link?

      It is absolutely vile of a parent to use any and all means to remove a child from the other loving parent. Sadly, personality disordered parents will not stop until they have succeeded.

      It is a long road. Stay strong, to all parents who have to endure this.

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      • It is a shame that genders are pitted against each other and we have to move away from that for the best interest of the child.

        First the courts were all pro-mother and now the courts are all pro-father. What the courts really should look at is the emotional and psychological health of the parents and if joint custody is not warranted, that it goes to the better and more healthy parent.

        Courts have so little awareness of personality disorders and the frequency with how often they appear in court. That is what needs to change and we need to raise our voices!

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      • Ostara I agree both parents have rights. I know many fathers who 5 years ago had no rights and they were the healthy parent. It cannot be simply pro mother or pro father, it SHOULD be pro child. However with my recent experinces this past year, I am thouroghly discusted by the practices of the courts. Maybe they shouldn’t allow attorneys at all in these cases. Maybe it shouldn’t be whoever has the most money wins. Maybe actually let the facts of the case speak. Or how about this, maybe just maybe take time and get to know the kids. I pray for everyone of you. If you are just starting out and your ex is in fact a narsissist, prepare for the worst. Don’t for one second think they are not capable of some of the worst tactics imaginable, like I did. Emotional abuse is domestic violence, seek help from a womens shelter, they have resourses I wish I had been made aware of sooner. All contact should be email only. Document EVERYTHING. Most important love your children. They are most likely being told horrible things about you. Show them truth. Children are aware of much more than we give them credit for. Always counter the lies with your thruths.

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      • ouch, sounds like thing have been rough, the say the least!

        My Ex was diagnosed with Anti-Social Personality Disorder (or a psychopath), the fact that he kills and tortures cats was just one of the many little things.

        The courts have little awareness of the consequences of personality disorders on the long term wellbeing of the child. THAT is what I’m trying to create awareness for.

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  2. This is my story. I cannot believe what some people are capable of. This is NOT love. I continue to fight for my children and pray.
    This is epidemic!!!! Stay strong all of you parents who are in this situation. Don’t give up!!!!!

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    • Yes! It is very important for parents (mother/father) to fight for the children and to not give up!

      But there is more then 1 way to fight for children, not just the court. Providing a loving and stable home can ground the children in security, something they lack with the other parent. Eventually the children will see.

      Do not give up!

      Hugs

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  3. It happened to me… after I was awarded full legal/physical custody… he went the back door route and called DCF and worked my daughters into a frenzy of lies….now he has the 3 youngest … scary since he is 100% PTSD disabled the VA determination states he has homicidal and suicidal tendencies…………… no one will listen to me!

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    • Stay strong! It is very disheartening when nobody is listening. It takes all the guts out of you. I know there have been times when it seems this would never end. Parents to which this happens get discouraged, but remember, the children need you, even if it is from a far.

      Lies, while the children may believe them at the moment, are very chaotic. At some point reality does come knocking and it turns their world upside-down. Stay grounded in reality for them, so when the situation turns around, as it almost always eventually does, they have reality and security to fall back upon.

      No matter how fast the lie, the truth does catch up! While you continue to fight, create a secure home for them.

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      • I like Tina’s blog a lot. While she writes from the perspective of a Mom, it is not the gender of the parent that is the issue, it is the personality disorder.

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  4. My god. I had this exact thing happen to a good friend of mine if i didn’t know any better i could have sworn this was written by her. Keep your head up. In the end they’ll realize how much of a psychopath he is and keep it in the records for the next incident. I pray for you and your kids.

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    • It is really sad how a parent can file false allegations against the other parent. It is obvious with the intend to remove that parent from the children’s lives, that is not loving your child(-ren), that is being consumed by hate.

      Your friend, and all other fathers and mothers who have to endure this, are in my prayers!

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  5. My ex wife and her father are psychopath and the court appointed evaluator hid the patterns of behavior from the court. Now the court is covering up for the evaluator.

    Keep speaking out. It’s the only way to end abuse!

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  6. I am so very sorry your kids and you are going through this. Do what you have to do to protect them. My ex has Anti-social personality disorder as well, and I was minding every p and q I could during our divorce proceedings as I KNEW he would drag my bi-polar disorder into it. He did, but not in divorce court, but in my quest for a restraining order against him after he beat me and I had him arrested for it. It was horrifying.

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  7. Pingback: True parental alienators have personality disorders | PARENTS HEALING FROM ESTRANGEMENT- #PAS

  8. Wow. I’m very sorry for what ex is putting you and your kids through. At some points during and immediately after my divorce from my ex (after an almost 20 year marriage that began at 19 yrs old and 3 kids ) there where times where I hated my ex.. He hated me.. Or we both hated each other equally .. I am so thankful one promise (maybe the one and only promise we made at the time of separation) we both stood by was to make things as easy as possible on our three and never do anything to show the other person in a bad light. I know it is all too common for parents to speak poorly of the other and even go to the extremes of making up absurd allegations to involve law inforcement agencies I will never understand how a parent would do so out of spite. Surely they realize the child is the one who is affects most. I pray yours will not have to face things like this on an ongoing basis. From the little I gather about you from this blog alone, it looks like they have a strong mom who does think of them first. I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing.
    AJ

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  9. I recently took in two neighborhood boys who told me how their mother was being. At first I thought no she is doing her best well slowly but surely I got to know their mom. She is a pathological liar and narcissistic Mother. I have caught her in so many lies it is ridiculous. Their step dad who is separated from the mom still sees the kids. Dcf was involve but they told the mother to get her kids so I had to let them go back. The oldest is on medication and is now going through withdrawals from the medicine concerta 36mg(adhd medication) I learned from school teachers principals that the mom would not follow through giving him his medicine. And the mom acts like she did nothing wrong to them. But she’s come here to visit them and she emotionally and physically abused them and Dcf is not listening the boys are scared to open their mouth she has them in fear. What do I do? I am worried about them.

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