A couple of days ago when letting the dogs out in the evening, I saw it was becoming a full moon. A dread came over me. Almost like clock work, every month, at full moon, Ex has a temper tantrum. Sometimes a little one, sometimes a big one. Last night was a BIG one. I saw it coming, I was expecting something, a flurry of emails preceded last nights events. I made sure I had my ducks in a row.
It is very rare that you get a diagnosis of a personality disorder in a custody case. Ex shoots and kills cats for fun. Yes, that is right. The pictures of his collection of cat skulls was entered as evidence at trial.
Knowing that there is a Personality Disorder (PD) has helped me immensely to recover. It empowered me, but it was a steep learning curve. It did bring along the heavy responsibility of navigating the minefield of assuring the kids love Dad and safeguarding them.
I grew up in a Montessori environment, and I adhere to the philosophy in raising the kids. In the Montessori philosophy, people are not bad, it is focussed on choices and behaviors. So I teach the children about a moral compass, I teach them not to be judgemental about the person, but discuss if a certain choice or behavior would be something they would do. Choices can be good or choices can be bad. And nobody is immune to making bad choices, but choices can be rectified. I try to empower them by separating behaviors from the person who does it, so that even if Dad does things that are a ‘bad choice’ they are still free and capable to love him.
Personality Disordered persons can’t do this, they ‘split’. Another person is either ‘all good’ or ‘all bad’, considering this is a divorce, I think it is safe to say that I’m considered ‘all bad’ by Ex. And this is the breeding ground of Parental Alienation. A topic for another day, and many more posts.
This alienation is not only reserved for the children, PD’s need lots of allies, they need to gather as many people around them and against the ex-spouse as possible. The target spouse sees friends, family members, school teachers all turning against them. And lets not forget law enforcement and the justice system.
And so the Sheriffs showed up at my house again last night. This was a fresh batch of 2 very young men, not the regular, seasoned men that patrol this area. The divorce has been going on for over 2 years, so I have become very familiar with the regular ones. Each and every time Ex files something, they have to follow-up on it, so they have been here quite a few times.
I was surprised to actually see the Sheriffs. A while ago, Ex caught on that the sheriffs weren’t taking him serious any longer and nothing came of his ‘complaints’, so he moved on to the State Troopers and started all fresh. In my last interaction with the State Troopers it was clear they were on to Ex, so perhaps he has now moved back to the Sheriffs for that reason.
In the last few days the pressure had been building. I received a few entitled and bullying emails. I firmly, yet politely, stood my ground. That however is unacceptable with the PD. How dare you defy him/her and they spiral downward into a rage. Like a temper tantrum in a toddler, there is no sense in arguing, engaging or giving in. In toddlers the tantrum will eventually run its course. PDs however are stuck in the emotional developmental phase of toddler, but they can’t get out, they cycle through.
So last night Ex tried to use law enforcement to bully me into submission. Unsuccessfully. Will this be the end of it? Of course not. Are his antics going to preoccupy my life? No, I’m going to spend a lovely day with the kids. Peace.